My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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