he shaved USA in his pubs
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
