seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Two words: blizzard sex
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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