My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
