the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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