I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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