The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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