never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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