I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
