She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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