I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
