I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
