____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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