I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
