I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
