I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I faked an abortion last night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
