He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
