Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
