At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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