Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
