It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
