she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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