You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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