i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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