I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
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I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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