First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
