I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
