he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
