You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
