I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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