Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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