Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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