i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i love accidental penises.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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