i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
