He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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