Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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