How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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