life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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