Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
