My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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