Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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