could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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