oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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