I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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