i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
