I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm too high and old for this...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
