o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
