Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
