I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
