Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
