Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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