Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
