the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
