I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
