All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
