seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
