Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
