put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
