She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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