Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
