so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
