i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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