I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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